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In April, after scoring for Manchester City against Everton, I kissed a band in the blue, white and pink colours of the transgender flag on my right wrist. I felt very strongly about the supreme court ruling, politically and emotionally. It really hurt me, even though I’m a cisgender woman, and it still hurts me because it targets people within my community.
I really feel part of the queer community because I grew up in a pretty small town in the Netherlands and didn’t have a lot of queer people in my circle or in school, and there wasn’t a lot of representation on TV. I never really felt a part of any community because I didn’t really know it was out there. Growing up and coming out and being in women’s football, which has a very accepting and open environment, and then moving to Manchester, I felt that I could be myself and I became much more in touch with the community. It has been a new, refreshing part of my life.
After the supreme court ruling I wanted to spread solidarity, give them love and appreciation and cut through all the hate they were getting. The ruling made me put those colours on my wrist, but my feelings and thoughts had built up over the years to the point where I wanted to do something.
The response was overwhelmingly positive. I got so many incredible responses from within the trans community – from trans fans from all clubs across the WSL, from trans people who love sports – but also from people across the world. I loved the allyship from other queer groups or straight cis people, supporting them and showing them love. I didn’t want to tell people what to do, because I don’t think that works, but I wanted to share my solidarity and I hoped it would connect people. It was very wholesome and if anyone was spreading hate in my mentions online I didn’t have to respond because people understood and would jump on it.
That action on the pitch, and the response and impact it had, made me realise my voice is a lot louder than I thought. I underestimated how vital our support is for those who need a voice. I decided I wanted to help more, to give back to my community, and that I especially wanted to help women. It is trans women who are affected by the supreme court’s decision but it is an attack on women as a whole.
So I started to look for ways to help and got in contact with the LGBT Foundation, which is based in Manchester. That’s how I became a patron for the foundation and I’m really happy to be able to champion its work.
I became a patron of the organisation in September and on 3 October I announced on my Instagram the launch of a women’s programme called Levelling the Playing Field which I’m helping to fundraise for.
The foundation helps hundreds of women get vital care, gives them a safe space and runs workshops around sexual health, domestic violence, sobriety and more.
In sport, especially in women’s football, we are good at inclusion and that is something we’ve prided ourselves on. I’ve been raised to greet people, whoever they are, wherever they come from, with kindness and an open heart. If I disagree with anyone, I’ve been taught to connect with them rather than push them away. We need more empathy in every area of society.
That is really hard in today’s society but we have to do it. We need to ask questions such as: how can we connect? How can we make sure everybody feels included? How can everyone reap the many benefits from being involved in sport? In women’s football that is something we are really passionate about. No matter who comes to our games, how can we make sure everybody feels included and has a safe space?
I have found it very hard to speak out on this topic but I want everybody to experience football and experience the friendship and the girlhood you have within teams.
I think my parents are a little stressed about me putting my head above the cornfield. Initially, they were quite worried, saying: “Oh, should you do that? Obviously, we love you and are very proud of you, but we don’t want you to get any abuse, any hate.”
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The hate is something that I’ve learned to filter, because I’ve accepted unfortunately it is going to happen. My partner, Ruth, and I had a video go viral recently and the comment section was just awful, but I’ve become a bit desensitised to it because those people aren’t important to me. That doesn’t make it acceptable for people to sit behind a keyboard and behave this way, and if social media platforms did more to tackle it, that would be a step in the right direction. But they can have their opinion and I don’t really care. I’m not trying to convince people; I’m trying to help people that need it.
In my job, I’m used to abusive comments and messages, getting grief here and there, whereas for my partner it’s quite new so I worry more about how she is dealing with it.
The audience for women’s football has grown significantly and there is a broader audience coming. That is great but it means the environment we’ve built for many years is changing a little bit. As players, we are very keen on keeping our values. We’ve put out statements against racism after games, for example, and it’s important to keep pushing and make clear that women’s football and football in general should not be a place for discrimination or hate. We are proud to be an environment that has grown a beautiful fan base because we are a welcoming sport.
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